The Struggle Within

Gone are the days when I thought I was the epitom of holiness. An earthly angel sent to clean up the scum of the world. Reality has a way of cleaning up self righteousness. Like you my brother, I fight everyday with the inner demons, trying to make sense of life. Trying to find myself in the jungle of destiny. I think if many of us had a choice before we were born, we would have opted to stay out of this crazy world.

The biggest struggle we face is the struggle with self. I know i'm a sinner. Maybe a forgiven sinner..but still in all essence a sinner. Like my good friend Rodriguez always says, stay catholic, you'll feel much better about yourself. Sounds like a joke but try and capure the concept of the statement. All we want is to feel better about ourselves. To feel like we are good and that evil only shows its ugly head against our innermost will.

I love the bible. During the darkest moments of my life, I have found comfort in the book of psalms...and there have been quite a few dark moments. I have questioned the existance of a God. I have questioned the love of this God. I have questioned the will of this God. I keep hearing..God is in control. If he is control why doesn't he do something about all the crap in the world let alone our troubles lives? Relax...just venting.Someone once told me, if it doesn't kill you, it makes you stronger. Hmmm... maybe..maybe not.

I am the kind of person who has to be around people. My friends think seem to think that I'm the ultimate "social" creature. Maybe that's why Kwame doesn't want me to meet his girlfriend. Am not that much of a threat am I my brother? a wise man once said-trouble can find you amongst a crowd and the crowds cannot comfort your troubled soul.